Bad girl.

Well these days, I've been in a lot of stress. I even feel my fist shaking.
I just fought with someone. Like I always do. I always fight with someone.
Almost everyday. I'm not used to it.. But what the hell's happening to me?!
Before, I can't even do any revenge to people who're trying to put me down. But days are getting old and I'm getting old too as my attitude starts to change. I feel like I wanna be alone. I wanna live somewhere. Wherein people don't have any idea who I am.
And I wanna remake my image. Wherein people will believe everything I say.
People nowadays are getting dumb. And I'm getting stupid.
I even fight with my mom worse now. I fight with my cousins, I fight with my old friends. Now I wonder what will happen to me in the future.
I'm getting scared. That's why I wanna die.. But I'm even scared to die.
I used to attend church services a lot. But time comes I got tired.. I'm aware of Heaven and Hell. That's why I'm scared of dying. But why do I keep doings things I don't want to do?!
I'm tired of this life.. I'm tired of being hated.. I'm tired of being stupid.
I'm tired of everything.

I've been trying to find people whom I can lean on. I know I have a lot of loving friends too. But I don't even know who are the true ones.
I even noticed that being poor is really a big deal.
I'm a poor girl, I know that. I can make new friends but there's limitation.
I don't know how people think about me. But whatever they think, I really care about it. NO! I should'nt be. Ah, nostalgic.. I just wanna know what's happening to me?!
Could somebody please answer my question?! Impossible.
But I guess time will come I will get to realize everything what's happening.
I even feel I'm ain't living in the real world now.
This world is reality, but it ain't the truth. Where is the truth?!
Can people be able to find it out?! Nah.

How can I change?! I'm so helpless! And hopeless..